One Life Changing Practice
For almost six years Dale and I have been meeting weekly.
This isn't a date; let's call it a mashup of business meeting and emotional connection session. It requires homework (though sometimes we haven't done that and the meeting suffers) and we usually talk in the stillness after the children's bedtime but sometimes they are up and meandering through the room and our conversation.
We call it our Marriage Huddle and for some time now, it's been every Sunday evening.
In this 45 minute-ish meeting we talk through the same key questions every week and the insights gained are profound. If you want to remove drama the discipline of a weekly meeting might help. It's certainly helped us.
We start with:
1. Asking about the previous week's highs and lows.
2. Self rating our current physical, emotional, spiritual, and intellectual states.
3. Sharing our emotions around work, family life, community, and our marriage.
4. Financial updates and budgeting work.
5. A review of our quarterly goals and any practical things that need to be discussed
6. Calendaring for the next quarter, month, and week.
7. Announcing our individual top three things to be accomplished this week.
When I type it up like that, it feels like a lot. But don't be overwhelmed! I think the secret is in doing the pre-work before the meeting, really taking time to think it over and answering each question, and in the repetition. It's certainly become easier, and the fruit has been peace and productivity.
Peace in that we know when to bring up all sorts of things - parenting, financial to-do's, heart hurts and victories - and not left wondering when we are going to talk about x, y, or z. Seriously, when is there time to address all the minor or important things in life? Before our weekly meeting they were addressed helter-skelter and usually in a state of doom because we hadn't been proactive and now the deadline was upon us! It was way more stressful and usually one of us wasn't in the mood to talk about whatever it was the other person needed to bring up.
Productivity in that we are actually doing things that we care about, in a long term visioning sort of way, and the motivation that comes from that is energizing.
We do occasionally miss things but life is so much better with a touchpoint like this.
And you should know I am the freedom loving artistic sort who resisted this a bit in the beginning. ;) I'm here to say "It works!"
Have you ever considered something like this? I've enjoyed hearing from other couples about their weekly touchpoints, there's definitely something here. Let's enjoy marriage! When I was single all through my 20's, I so wanted a team mate. And now, wow! I'm so grateful I have one. What a gift.